When I'm hurt I won't show it. I tend to keep it inside and I'll vent to somebody completely unrelated to the original pain later. It's bad for me. I'm trying to give it up. Frankly I have not had the best day and it was made worse by the fact that yesterday I had an amazing time. Have you ever had a friend betray you?? I have, more times than I can count actually, and although I have plenty of other friends and a completely fabulous best friend each betrayal always cuts deep. But, as I have said, I keep the pain inside. What exactly is it that I am afraid of? That I will be hurt even more? Heartache can be dealt with. It takes time and distractions until you can't remember why you were hurt in the first place. Am I afraid that it will be seen as a weakness and somebody will exploit that. Probably. At least, that's what seems to make sense to me.
Personally I think that being betrayed by a friend is awful. Worse than awful, it makes you think about everything else going on in your life and it makes you doubt. I hate doubt. It's worse than fear.
I need to change. If only so that I'm not as afraid to say when I have been hurt. Maybe it will help me heal quicker because, the sad truth is, I've been betrayed by friends so many times I can't help feel that this won't be the last time as much as I would like it to be.
Okay, I've been whinging. Annoying I know but sometimes you've just got to vent and I needed that. So, if anybody has read this entire post thank you and now I think that you should go and read something less depressing haha. I hope you have had a better day than I have.
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